in a land foreign to the mind
yet familiar to the memories
somewhere in between the world I left behind
and the world I'm forced to embrace
the water crashes into the rocks
again and again and again
#day73
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Don't tell me to "find someone to marry"
As I started to tell my friends and family that I had to leave the US since I no longer have work authorization, I am truly touched by the people who understood that the news was devastating to me. Thank you to those who knew me well enough to know that what I needed were hugs as well as "I'm sorry to hear" and "this sucks!".
What I didn't need were comments of "chin up!" or "time will fly by" or "everything happens for a reason" or "you'll have fun in Singapore!", which only served to hurt in ways that I cannot explain.
The worst comment of them all - "Why don't you find an American to marry?".
For the most part, people mean well. They sometimes don't know what to say in such situations and inappropriate humor become their default tool to diffuse the tension and lighten the mood. They say it almost in a cavalier manner, as an offhand remark, as if it is okay to say that paper marriage is the magic solution to all my visa woes.
But let me tell you this, it is never okay to say "find someone to marry".
It is offensive on so many levels to suggest that such an arrangement is a viable option and that in order to stay in the US, perhaps it is easier to "find someone to marry" than to be highly educated and skilled. So what if you have degrees from UChicago and Wharton? So what if you work for Microsoft? If you want to continue working in the US, it's either the lottery of H-1B visas or go snag yourself an American to get married!
Even if you do in fact have a significant other who is American, the relationship either has progressed to a stage where marriage is in the picture so no harm done (great for you!) or the relationship has not gotten there and this becomes a sensitive topic (sucks for you!).
In the end, a hug is more than enough.
#day60
What I didn't need were comments of "chin up!" or "time will fly by" or "everything happens for a reason" or "you'll have fun in Singapore!", which only served to hurt in ways that I cannot explain.
The worst comment of them all - "Why don't you find an American to marry?".
For the most part, people mean well. They sometimes don't know what to say in such situations and inappropriate humor become their default tool to diffuse the tension and lighten the mood. They say it almost in a cavalier manner, as an offhand remark, as if it is okay to say that paper marriage is the magic solution to all my visa woes.
But let me tell you this, it is never okay to say "find someone to marry".
It is offensive on so many levels to suggest that such an arrangement is a viable option and that in order to stay in the US, perhaps it is easier to "find someone to marry" than to be highly educated and skilled. So what if you have degrees from UChicago and Wharton? So what if you work for Microsoft? If you want to continue working in the US, it's either the lottery of H-1B visas or go snag yourself an American to get married!
Even if you do in fact have a significant other who is American, the relationship either has progressed to a stage where marriage is in the picture so no harm done (great for you!) or the relationship has not gotten there and this becomes a sensitive topic (sucks for you!).
In the end, a hug is more than enough.
#day60
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